Biggest Loser contest, week three

I told you all about the contest I'm in for the next few months.  Well, today was our week three weigh in.  Guess where I landed?  Third place!  Last week we were divided in our standings by two full percentage points.  This week I am missing first place by just half a percent.  It makes me happy to be near the top again. 

I still don't feel like I'll win the contest.  Maybe it's the negative voices in my head that are bringing me down.  Maybe I'm just trying to be real.  But just in case I'm wrong, I have decided what I'll do if I win the money.  It will be a shopping spree for me, down in AZ with my mom and sisters.  By that point I'll need a new wardrobe, right?  Even if I don't win, the idea of taking the trip is very tempting...

So, I'm off to bed tonight feeling happy with things.  I also am going to bed with a full stomach.  My eating wasn't the best today, so I have some makeup to do if I want to stay at the top.  Getting results like today's weigh in may be just the fuel I need to move forward!  Wish me luck (and will power and determination and patience...)!

Remember me?

I warned you I am not the best at this blog stuff.  Anyhow, it's time for an update.

My journey to better health has been, well, rocky to say the least.  I have a few good days, and then a few bad days.  Then another few good days, and so on. 

A couple of weeks ago a friend posted a quick blurb about her Biggest Loser weigh in the following day, and it caught my attention.  As much as I like to think I'm a good sport and all, I've realized that I really am an extremely competitive person.  The idea of a weight loss contest seemed perfect for me. 

The basic run down is that we each put in our $50, and the money was pooled together to be awarded to the person with the highest percentage of weight loss after twelve weeks is over.  "I've got this!" I thought, as I eagerly wrote out my check.  And for the first week, I was doing pretty good.  By the end of the week, I was in the top 5.  That was with just minimal work outs because we were framing our basement, and I needed energy for that.

Then things fell apart.  Week two about killed me.  I swore off Chocolate Cinnamon Gummy Bears, but I didn't quite manage to swear off homemade chocolate chip cookies, which had to appear at my house a lot.  I also discovered that just plain chocolate chips are a great snack.  My body was sore from exercising a bunch, and I gave up.  Big time.  By the end of week two, I had actually gained back 2 pounds of the weight I had lost in week one.  I dropped to 11th place.

So now I'm on week three.  For the most part I'm doing better.  I'm back to what I was at the end of the first week, and still have a couple of days to go before weigh in.  I for sure won't be in the top 5 this week, but I'll be inching my way back up to the top. 

The interesting side effect of all this is that I can see my body getting thinner.  It shows in my face.  I can feel it when I put on clothes that are fitting looser.  But with that success, I'm spiraling into a definite funk.  I can physically control my eating habits.  I can force myself to run (yay for five mintue jogs!).  What I can't control is the emotional side of weight loss.  The feelings of deprevation and anger.  The frustration that things are happening too slow.  And the fear that I really just might not have what it takes to get in shape.

By this point, I really don't care about the prize money.  Only a few weeks in to the contest, I don't think it will be mine.  What I do care about though is giving the contest my best try.  If at the end of this all, I've only lost 30 pounds compared to their 60, who cares?  I will still be a winner.  My biggest hope is that I will be able to not only physically feel better, I will feel emotionally better too.  That, for me, will be the biggest prize of all. 

My first 5K

Well, when I started this blog, I knew that I probably wouldn't be too good at staying on top of it.  I think I'm too much of a perfectionist, and I want every entry to be unique, with colorful pictures and good advice.  I've also been bad at following my many restrictions, and feel false blogging about attempts that aren't the best.  Bottom line though, this is my journey and my story.  I'm not a perfect person, so I can't expect my blog to be either. 

So what brings me back to the blogging world?  A 5K run.  Today I ran my the Utah Valley Marathon 5K, and I barely made it.  I have only been able to train for about two weeks, since every other start at training left me feeling drained of energy.  I finally took a few months off, and only when the race was looming super close did I decide I'd better get my act together.  So with two weeks of practice behind me, I stood at the starting line today. 

I didn't know how fast I'd be able to finish.  At first, I figured if I made it under an hour, that would be ok.  In my dream world, I'd make it in 45 minutes.  About five minutes into the race, I began to wonder if I'd even make it to the end!  I alternated running and walking, with a few sly dance moves mixed in.  (Seriously, thanks to Glee for the obnoxious Friday song.  I am sure people wondered why I was pumping my fists in the air occasionally for no obvious reason!)   My finish time was 40 minutes. 

Hours later, I am still feeling shaky and my legs are sore, but I am proud of what I accomplished.  I am appreciative of the small victories in life, which show me how strong I really can be.  Halfway through the race my feet went numb.  I could have quit then, and probably should have.  But I pushed through, telling myself that my legs knew what to do, even if my feet weren't working.  And I made it.  I ran a 5K, and am excited to train harder for the next one to come. 

Day Twenty Three - My final farewell (for real this time)

I admit it. For the last two days I've been horrible with my food restrictions. I realized pretty quickly that I'm not really ready to give up gluten forever. So I made myself a deal. For two days, the sky was the limit for what I could eat. I have indulged in homemade cookies, white bread sandwich rolls, ice cream, hamburgers with the bun, and so on. Absolute junk.

I am physically feeling so gross right now. I can not wait until tomorrow, when I really am beginning my journey for real. Some of you may be thinking, "Seriously, lady. You've already started how many times?" Yes, I've had some hiccups and some excuses. But those are gone starting tomorrow. Finally I feel completely emotionally and physically ready to give up gluten. I was ready to do it for three months. Not the rest of my life. So please forgive my little foray into the land of the forbidden for a final time. And brace yourself for some delicious recipes I plan to send your way as I jump back in to the world free of gluten, eggs, milk, peanuts, almonds, sugar and yeast. I tell ya, it's going to be good!

Day Twenty Two - Service

Today was an emotionally taxing day for me. I had an opportunity to serve someone I admire a lot, but the service I gave affected me more than I thought it would. At the time, making the choice was not only easy, but felt like the right thing to do. But as I said goodbye to the individual I had helped, a feeling of weight settled over me. For a while I thought it was because of the promise of help I had given to this individual. As the day went on though, I've come to realize that perhaps by providing the listening ear, I was able to actually take some of the burden off that person, and internalize a bit of it myself.

In my journey I'm on, I realize that there a number of you who have helped to bear the burdens I'm struggling with. Some of you I've known for many years. Some have come into my life fairly recently. And some of you have known me forever, and understand the family bonds that keep us strong, even when things are difficult. In the end, I feel like I am able to handle this new life I'm embarking on because I know that when I need a good cry, I've got a great safety net to fall back on. So for the second blog day in a row, thank you, thank you for who each of you are, and for the part you play in my life!

Day Twenty one - My awesome brother in law

Can I tell you how awesome it is to have a brother in law who happens to be a doctor? I try not to bug him with too many questions, because I understand how valuable his time is, but tonight we had a long chat all about what has been going on with me. He says it sounds like I have a great doctor here, which is just the boost of confidence I need, since some of the treatments are different than I'm used to. It was fun to be able to read my lab numbers to someone I know, and have them completely understand what I was talking about. I'll be seeing one more specialist, at my BIL's recommendation, and then we'll see how this journey plays out.

Thank you, thank you to my friends and family who are supporting me as I work through this diagnosis.  You guys are amazing!

Day Twenty - The Verdict

Today was my dreaded meeting with Dr. P. This time I was ushered into his office with no wait time at all. By the time I left, I wonder if I was the cause of the rest of his day being behind, due to the millions of questions I had. I was completely wrong in my speculations for why I had to go back to the office. Instead of talking about adrenal problems, he pointed out the results of a thyroid test I had forgotten I had even taken. Turns out I'm allergic to myself.

Yep. You heard it here first. Apparently my body got tired of trying to fight the gluten in my body and instead decided to attack my thyroid. Now I personally don't think that's a very mature way to handle my inner body problems. But apparently I am in the minority on this one. I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's disease, which I think is a pretty cool name for the problem I have.

Hashimoto's is an auto-immune disorder that results in a certain part of the body being attacked by the immune system. At least that's what I think it is. By the time I left the office, my head was spinning a bit. I prefer to look at it this way. My body is waging a war on my thyroid. Instead of trying to treat it with medicine, which Dr P says is kind of like chasing a moving target, we're trying to win the war by building up my system with lots of supplements like pine bark and grape seed and green tea capsules.

Probably my favorite part of the visit was him telling me that by following the eating program he put me on, I am already taking a big step towards fighting this. Luckily for me, I have most of the tools in place. The worst part of the visit was him telling me that I will never be allowed to eat gluten again, for the rest of my life.

Have you ever thought about how long "the rest of your life" really can be? I envision birthday parties with my great grandchildren, and them asking why Great Grandma doesn't want any cake. Of course by then, I'll be able to plead senility, but it's the silly things like no cake that scare me a bit. I fully plan on the rest of my life being quite a few years down the line. That is a long time to get used to saying no to cookies, homemade bread, pasta, certain types of sauces, and more.

I know that there are a lot of gluten free items in the stores right now, but I can't eat any of them. I can't have rice, corn, eggs or milk, which are all common ingredients in a GF diet. I really hope that in a few months, some of those allergies have calmed down. I was ok doing this rabbit food diet for three months, but I didn't imagine he'd say forever, at least with the gluten.

Bottom line, though, I echo my sentiments from the first week. I don't have cancer, or any major catastrophe to deal with. I just have to eat really, really healthy. And though I'm sure I'll cry on occasion over my inability to have wheat bread, I'll adjust. Life is too short to spend dwelling on things that are out of my control. Wish me luck moving forward!

Day Nineteen - Spiritually fed

How grateful I am for the Sabbath day! I didn't hear much of church today, because my daughter's finger was still hurting her a lot. But I was spiritually fed in other ways. I had a camp meeting at my house, and to see the enthusiasm of the 25 girls that are coming to camp as youth camp leaders filled my spirit with warmth. They were all so eager to discuss ways to make camp a special experience for the younger girls who will be attending. I loved listening to their ideas.

I feel as if my spirit is more open right now, and I'm aware of the tender mercies I'm seeing in my own life. I feel like my body is being beaten down, and my emotions are being taxed, but I am able to maintain a fairly happy outlook on things, which isn't always my way.

I've been pondering a lot these last few days about worst case scenarios that Dr P will throw at me. I don't like all of the options I've read about for adrenal dysfunction, and I'm scared that I won't be able to handle the news. But then I realize that I don't have to do it alone. I've got an amazing support group of friends who are able to carry me when my spirits are low. And in the end, I hope to be able to encourage someone who will walk this path after I do. I am blessed.

Day Eighteen - New friends

As some of you know, I'm the stake girl's camp director. With over 300 girls attending camp, I have a goal to meet each one and know her name before camp hits. It is a lofty goal, especially for someone like me who forgets names and faces quicker than I'd like to claim. Well, tonight was a great opportunity for me to meet another table full of girls.

We had the opportunity to listen to the YW general conference broadcast with a number of people from the stake. Afterwards, the girls immediately filed to the cultural hall, where of course a delicious dessert was waiting all the attendees. I felt a sad pang for the treat I knew I couldn't have, but then quickly excused myself from the group I carpooled with and went to work.

Luckily there was a table with an empty chair, which I quickly commandeered with a friendly hello and an introduction of myself. Before long I was laughing and joking with my new friends. Hailey, Shay, Madaline, Tracy, and Christy, I remember who you are. Yes, it was only five of the 300 young women, but those five girls are now imprinted in my mind. The cool thing was that when my own daughters came to drag me away, I realized that I hadn't even missed the dessert. What a great way to spend my evening!

Days Sixteen and Seventeen - Muddy

Nothing to exciting to report. I'm still recovering from the 5 K attempt. I definitely have learned my lesson about going slowly. I hope Dr. P has some insight as to why I am so tired all the time.

Some friends are participating in a Mud run of sorts (4 miles, muddy obstacles, ect.) and I'd really love to run it with them, but I don't know if my body will be able to handle it. If not, I can cheer them on, and hopefully by next year I'll be up to it. It is so frustrating not being able to make my body do the exercise that my mind thinks I'm capable of!

Day Fifteen - Weighing in

I've been afraid to step on the scale this week. I didn't eat like I should have over the weekend, and I know that the number my scale says means a little too much for me. Well, over this past week I guess I've learned that the numbers aren't everything. I technically gained almost a pound this week, which isn't what I wanted, but I had some other results that made me smile. A lot.

First of all, I dropped my body percentage of fat by a full percent. I have one of those nifty scales that calculates the total body fat, and my number is down. I would think my scale is broken, except that I can see the measurement elsewhere. In just one week, I've moved to a size smaller on my belt buckle. In fact, I have to wear a belt if my pants are going to stay up. I think that is a victory indeed.

Little things like the smaller belt size keep me going, when temptations are hitting me from every side. The last couple of days I've been a 90 percent dieter, meaning that if I am not perfect, it's ok. But the reality of life is that it is not ok. I need to be 100 percent committed to this journey, or I won't succeed. The gluten can't clear out of my system if I keep introducing it back in. Neither can the sugar. Time to up my percentages a bit.

In other news, I trained for the 5 K again today, and this time I was completely knocked out. I'm talking dead asleep on the couch, unable to process what was going on around me. Thank goodness for older children, who I knew wouldn't be getting into danger while I slept. Will I ever learn to take baby steps in getting my exercise in? I'm not sure. Dr. P's office called, and I'm supposed to go back in on Monday to get my adrenal gland test results. The fact that he wants to see me, and not just go over results on the phone, says to me that something is probably amiss. I'm hoping he'll be able to tell me why I'm so exhausted after exercising.

Here's to hoping I find the baby steps I need!

Day Fourteen - Presents to me

We've had the same kitchen pots since getting married, many years ago. I decided that if I am going to be successful at cooking healthy meals, I'd better have some equipment that will help me out. So off to Costco I went, and I picked up these:

I especially can't wait to try out the steamer pot. Ah, the simple joys in life.

Day Thirteen - The 5 K

I am signed up to run a 5 K in June, which is amusing to me since I can't really exercise. But I'm determined to get my body to a point where running a 5 K will be not only possible, it will be fun. I decided that today I'd change my training approach. In the past, I would alternate running and walking on the treadmill, bringing my heart rate up and strengthening my muscles. For today, I decided to see if it was possible for me just to reach the distance of 3.2 miles walking.

My treadmill is in the basement, with the computer right next to it. I needed me some good walking TV to keep me distracted, so of course I chose Biggest Loser since I was behind an episode. I figured I'd walk for about half the episode, and then be able to sit and watch the rest. Wrong! My finishing time was 68 minutes, during which time I laughed and cried along with the contestants. No, Bob and Jillian didn't come into my basement to beat me up. But I pretended like they were.

Today I did a 5 K. Yes, I walked it all. But I did it. I probably could have run some of the way, but my goal today was just to finish. I'm encouraged for June. Even if I don't finish anywhere near the front of the pack, at least I know I'm capable of completing the course. Yippee!!!

In my continued journey for healthy eating, chicken fajitas are a newly discovered favorite:

Day Twelve - Achievements

My oldest daughter earned her YW medallion today. Those of you who are LDS know what this is. For those of you who aren't, I'll explain. Starting at age twelve, the young women in our church receive a booklet of goals to work on, focusing on eight values. Each section has seven small activities that must be accomplished before they can tackle a ten hour project. For example, in the faith section, the girls may read certain scriptures, and then write in their journal about how they apply to their lives. Or they might learn a couple of church hymns, and how to conduct them. The ten hour projects are much more in depth. One thing my daughter did was make dinner for our family every night for a couple of weeks. She taught herself to play the flute and she made a cross stitch picture of the Hawaii temple. She read the Book of Mormon entirely, and that's just half of the goals she did.

I was so proud of my daughter for the way she approached the goals. She moved through the different challenges with enthusiasm, and couldn't wait to reach the end of her journey. Now she's beginning it again, just because she can.

Maybe I need to move forward a bit more like her? I hope that by the end of my own personal journey, I'll want to continue with my good eating habits. Eventually the doctor hopes I'll be able to add in a few things, like wheat or eggs, twice a week. I think by the time I get there though, I won't be so interested in eating the same foods anymore. I hope by then, I'll really have made this good eating a habit!