Remember me?

I warned you I am not the best at this blog stuff.  Anyhow, it's time for an update.

My journey to better health has been, well, rocky to say the least.  I have a few good days, and then a few bad days.  Then another few good days, and so on. 

A couple of weeks ago a friend posted a quick blurb about her Biggest Loser weigh in the following day, and it caught my attention.  As much as I like to think I'm a good sport and all, I've realized that I really am an extremely competitive person.  The idea of a weight loss contest seemed perfect for me. 

The basic run down is that we each put in our $50, and the money was pooled together to be awarded to the person with the highest percentage of weight loss after twelve weeks is over.  "I've got this!" I thought, as I eagerly wrote out my check.  And for the first week, I was doing pretty good.  By the end of the week, I was in the top 5.  That was with just minimal work outs because we were framing our basement, and I needed energy for that.

Then things fell apart.  Week two about killed me.  I swore off Chocolate Cinnamon Gummy Bears, but I didn't quite manage to swear off homemade chocolate chip cookies, which had to appear at my house a lot.  I also discovered that just plain chocolate chips are a great snack.  My body was sore from exercising a bunch, and I gave up.  Big time.  By the end of week two, I had actually gained back 2 pounds of the weight I had lost in week one.  I dropped to 11th place.

So now I'm on week three.  For the most part I'm doing better.  I'm back to what I was at the end of the first week, and still have a couple of days to go before weigh in.  I for sure won't be in the top 5 this week, but I'll be inching my way back up to the top. 

The interesting side effect of all this is that I can see my body getting thinner.  It shows in my face.  I can feel it when I put on clothes that are fitting looser.  But with that success, I'm spiraling into a definite funk.  I can physically control my eating habits.  I can force myself to run (yay for five mintue jogs!).  What I can't control is the emotional side of weight loss.  The feelings of deprevation and anger.  The frustration that things are happening too slow.  And the fear that I really just might not have what it takes to get in shape.

By this point, I really don't care about the prize money.  Only a few weeks in to the contest, I don't think it will be mine.  What I do care about though is giving the contest my best try.  If at the end of this all, I've only lost 30 pounds compared to their 60, who cares?  I will still be a winner.  My biggest hope is that I will be able to not only physically feel better, I will feel emotionally better too.  That, for me, will be the biggest prize of all.